Joke

One afternoon, this guy
drives down a highway to
visit a nearby lake and
relax. On his way to the lake, a
guy dressed from head to toe in
red standing on the side of the
highway gestures for him to
stop.
The guy rolls down the window
and says, "How can I help you?"
"I am the red jerk of the
highway. You got something to
eat?"
With a smile on his face, the guy
hands a sandwich to the guy in
red and drives away. Not even
five minutes later, he comes
across another guy. This guy is
dressed fully in yellow, standing
on the side of the road and
waving for him to stop.
A bit irritated, our guy stops,
cranks down the window, and
says, "What can I do for you?"
"I am the yellow jerk of the
highway. You got something to
drink?"
Hardly managing to smile this
time, he hands the guy a can of
Coke and stomps on the pedal
and takes off again. In order to
make it to the lakeside before
sunset, he decides to go faster
and not to stop no matter what.
To his frustration, he sees
another guy on the side of the
road, this one dressed in blue
and signaling for him to stop.
Reluctantly, our guy decides to
stop one last time. He rolls down
his window, and yells, "Let me
guess. You're the blue jerk of the
highway, and just what the heck
do you wanna have?"
"Driver's license and registration,
please."

Copycat...Looool

Two men, Robert and
James, applied for an
engineering position.
Both applicants having the same
qualifications were asked to take
a test by the department
manager.
Upon completion of the exam
both men only missed one of the
questions. The manager went to
Robert and said, "Thank you for
your interest, but we've decided
to give James the job."
Robert replied, "Why? We both
correctly answered nine
questions. I believe I should get
this job, especially since I've
grown up in this town and
James just moved here."
The manager said, "We made our
decision not on the correct
answers, but on the question
you missed."
"How could one incorrect answer
be better than the other?," asked
Robert.
"Simple," said the manager.
"James put down on question #
5, 'I don't know', and you put
down, 'Neither do I.'"

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Hmmm

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads:"Please note that this Bank is
installing new"Drive-through"teller machines enabling customers to
withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new
facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when
accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE&
FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate
steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

...ehm...

Me: Itz bn a whyl o...o'l boy aw far?
Blog: I dey o...i dey as u leave me...
Me: How kwanu i take leave u...
Blog: Since January...abi u don 4get???
Me: Nooooo...i no 4get jes bn bizi...
Blog: Yes na...Busy with twitter and doz girls
Me: How?...na work jor
Blog: Yimu...u don forget say i dey follow u abi?
Me: How???...u dey follow too?
Blog: U must b silly...i am online 24/7...u jes dey come dey go...wetin u knw???
Me: Oya sowie...
Blog: No sowie mi o...u and dat lawyer go jes dey do anyhow abi?
Me: Choi...u rili dey follow mi tru tru...
Blog: No I no go follow u...
Me: But omo dat gal dey giv mi serious headache...
Blog: Go buy paracetamol na...
Me: I don try...e don tire mi...but i luv am well well...
Blog: *whistles*
Me: Why u dey whistle na?
Blog: E cosign u?...see kweshun ooo...
Me: My frnd talk...
Blog: #edondeymadt abi?
Me: Oya na sori...wetin na?
Blog: Na so u go dey luff...wen dem wan dump u dem no go put u for dustbin...
Me: Wia dem con dey put mi kwanu?
Blog: For river...bcos na fishermen dey always help u c am bring am bck...
Me: U no well...
Blog: I knw...iRiver
Me: Mtcsheeeeeew
Blog: Wetin com even cari u com hia today...
Me: I no knw o...i jes com c how u dey...whether u don die...
Blog: Taaah...abi na anoda pesin blog make u com service me...
Me: Na wa o...u don knw mi finish...
Blog: b4 nko?...oya who is she?
Me: "she" ke?...y must it b she???????
Blog: Answer ke...
Me: Na wa u o...ok na she...
Blog: Spill it...
Me: Elceedutchess
Blog: Dat one wey say im like Fcuk???
Me: Ahn Ahn...aw u take knw???
Blog: Jamb Kweshun...shebi u no knw say na mi b blogger?
Me: Sowie
Blog: She fine sha....get fyn eye...eye lyk winch
Me: Ol' boy izzi...thank God u no b human u for b serious woman wrapper...
Blog: Naice insult...thank God I am ur blog...so we share same traits...
Me: U dey madt...
Blog: I wish u d same...
Me: Mtcsheeeew...i dey come...
Blog: I'v hrd dat so many tymes... *hope u dont stay longer*
Me: I'm serious...
Blog: I knw...
Me: later man...
Blog: Bye bye jor...
Me: I dey come...
Blog: Publish and gerrout!!!!!...nincompoop

Thoughts

Random thoughts...but its feelings felt deep...


How can one live so loveless...


Desire something so bad but gets it not...

Dat which he possesses...A possession oddly obtained lyk from a game...


He does not desire...yet it clings religiously...


He desires a damsel...one his heart approves...

One born not from strife...but understanding...


Committment written all over her...

One who he'll die for...and she for him...


One who sees him as a god..and she his goddess...

Him her Gold...and she his Diamond...


In bed they explore...searching new frontiers...


Desiring each other like it was the very first day...


Climax in sync...exhaustion complete...

D PERFECT lady...with imperfection written al over her...


He had her once...in those wayward times...


Now "time changes yesterday"...he seeks her again...

Not as d body of old...but anoda who is willing...

To take his hand...as he would take hers...



Dese thots are real...

Random they are...but its feelings felt deep...

She may see this...she may not...

I need her now...for all its worth...






I am "HE" ... these thoughts belong to "ME"

Judgement

There he laid suspended,
End 2 a wearisome mind,
His clothes,stench from an unkempt cell,
His mouth,breath from an uncleaned orifice.

Eyes shut from d world,
Ears, never 2 hear d birds,
Detached from d trailing wails,
Barred from experiencing sound.

His very existence snatched,
His life's chapter closed.
His name never 2 be called,
Except on the papers,tv & Radio...

...explaining the end of a man,
Who played the part of God,
Who snathched the life of another,
With precision of an Eagles swoop.

The stab from a wayward knife,
From arms full of hatred,
To the throat of a dumbstruck brother,
Who owed him less than a dime.

He runs with adept swiftness,
Oblivious of the man who saw,
Into d dungeon his frame was lodged,
Until the jury branded his fate.

And now d noose circumvents his own,
Holding tight his future unspent,
Product of a thightly wound rope,
Property of the slit man's son...

...the local community's hangman!!!